I did not realize
I was only your footnote
You were my favorite book
I miss your contagious laughter
I dream of the day
I will hear it again
Across a crowded room
Certain she would fail her exams
She sought solace on a walk
She landed in a candy store
Full of her favorite childhood treats
She left with a smile
Off for a nap full of sugar plum dreams
Certain to awaken with a clear mind ready to study effortlessly
She was a frightening villain
Threatening my happiness
Making my days dreadful
Dulling my glimmering hope
Until it slowly dawned on me
She was just a cruel person full of misery
I would no longer join her in it
She lost her power over me
Do not let a bad day
Ruin a good night
Awaiting to happen
He was a mystery
Always changing his stories
Hiding in plain sight
Certain you will fail
Doubting your abilities
Too paralyzed to go on
Prove yourself wrong
No one could explain
How she had survived
On the wings of angels
She quietly replied
I will not give
You my heart
At the cost
Of my sanity
Longing to slosh
Frozen lemonade
Around with my straw
Beside friends in June
I will meet the ocean again
Waves crashing
Freezing cold water
I will blissfully jump in
I wish I knew when
Meet me at midnight
At the park by the oak tree
To relive our youth
My heart betrayed
Me with a flutter
I wanted to hate him
Pressure was mounting
Her depression gripping her
Alone in her dorm
I am not a gifted chess player
I do not aspire to be a master
I play for my love of the game
She was cold
To hold back
Her warm tears
Not a single soul
Will harbor nostalgia
For the year 2020
Her eye shadow was full of glitter
Masking the sadness in her heart
Everyone at the party adored her
Except the one person missing
He was once always by her side
She did not need glitter then
His love made her radiant as the sun
How would his family survive
A bleak and impoverished winter
The weight of it plagued him daily
He felt strained beyond measure
When his daughter smiled at him
She was too young to understand
His greatest responsibility
Was to keep it that way
I hope one day
A young child
Will ask me
What a lockdown is
Never having
Lived through one
Trapped by loneliness
An unsolvable puzzle
I am in pieces
Castles were built for kings
Queens are built to run them
To live happily ever after
Nothing is more
Honest in life
Than happy tears
She stood on a small patch of prairie
Miles away from anyone else in every direction
Weeping with gratitude for her freedom
She shook with fear
She did not know her way back home
She removed books
From her shelves
To alphabetize
To distract her
Broken heart
I resigned long ago
From the game
Of guessing
What is to come
I know nothing
Beyond one moment
Following another
That is all we have
I had never seen
Her talons before
That fateful night
Her fear
Of being
Labeled
Negative
Outweighed
Her desire
To speak her
Authentic truth
In her silence
A great artist
Was lost to the world
She imagined
In her dreams
She could breathe
In a tropical breeze
It kept her going
Sometimes
I will double it
His integrity waivered
Could he turn it down
She took her final bow
From center stage
When she was twelve
Few possess his skill
For dodging questions
He dislikes answering
She will not let on
Give her permission to feel
By saying it first
I promise she does not know
Tell her how you feel or lose
What you never got to have
Will you please tell me
If it hurts when you miss me
Like when I miss you
You pushed me away
Your angry sad tears told me
I tried hared not to
Floating between
Friendship and love
Someone has to decide
Working up the nerve
To say we instead of I
To be a couple
She created
Her own miracle
By transforming
Who she was
The key to creativity is not judging what doesn’t exist yet
It’s possible for two people to help each other, just by being who they are
All great creations were once “just an idea”
Be the exception to the rule or make a new rule
Make today a day you want to remember
Never leave home without a pen
She created
Her own miracle
By transforming
Who she was
A grinch of a year
Great strength and courage required
Brave hearts seeking hope
When all else is lost
Hope will knock on your closed door
Have faith and answer
Find Zuzu’s petals
Still in your worn out pocket
This nightmare will end
Anxiety is the spokesperson
For every feeling
You try to shrug away
It brings me to tears
His singing O Holy Night
Hearing the divine
Trying to trust you
Though history cautions me
And still I love you
I fell asleep knowing
You loved me and I woke up
Certain I was wrong
To lose is to win
For you will learn from losing
Time to play again
Wait
The dawn will break
No matter how dark the night
Even if you have lost your grasp
To swirling thoughts and tears
Forgetting who can help or how
I ask you one motionless favor
Sit and wait for the morning light
To the moon and back
Was all she could manage
To say to him in return
I love you was too scary
Too sacred in her book
Only to be said when
No other string of words
Could capture their truth
strange days
of riding
uncertain
waves
of sadness
Rejection is temporary.
The true measure of a man
Is how he treats you
When you are helpless
While you were
Playing it cool
He was swimming
In your rejection
He had to give up
You claim he ghosted you
He never cared for you
He never showed it
You will realize later
You mislead him
By faking indifference
So afraid he would
Break your heart
You broke your own
If you are uncertain
If he loves you or not
Look at how much
Of his time he gives you
You cannot get time back
If he gives it to you
With his whole heart
You can trust in his love
Do not listen
To your own
Hidden stories
As to why you
Are unlovable
Just let yourself
Believe you can be
Love will find you
No one knew
Her full story
Her life was
Not a linear
Narrative
Her life always
Zig zagging
Starting over
A never ending
Metamorphosis
Leaving her alone
Just the way
She wanted
She believed
Most days
In prayer
No context
Is required
Even if you
Alone hear
Your words
Of a higher
Power does
It is known
Why you are
Asking for help
Drinking cranberry juice
Instead of wine
At a Christmas party
Starting my sobriety
A boy and his dog
Share the purest truest love
I have ever seen
Take my hand
Stay brave
My friend
Something struck a chord
Floodgates opened
Damn it to hell
All the years
Of hidden words
Suddenly flowing
To say exactly
What I always
Thought he meant
My summer flew by
Full of magic every year
Except for this one
Waiting for the call
To unlock the answer
Was your worry justified
Trying to think positive
Praying for a negative
My father would walk
In the door Christmas Eve
Weary from a long work day
Shaking the snow off
His old coat
Taking bags of candies
In the shape of stars
Out of his pockets
For his little girl
Save one for me
He said smiling
I thanked every star
For him
Dazzling memories
Dancing through my heart and mind
Of what might have been
She can be ice cold
Or so full of love and warmth
Your own cold heart melts
Is it you or me
We should be in love by now
What a mystery
I could walk away
From this connection of ours
I do not think you can
If it is frightening
To tell him that you love him
He is not your love
Just let your heart be
Stop trying to control it
Let it take the lead
What should I tell him
Here in magical limbo
On the brink of love
He reads my poems
As he loves another girl
Still I write for him
Your stories and lies
I can hardly decipher
What difference there is
Her indifference
Her absence of jealousy
Perplexes my heart
Forever baffled
By your insecurity
You are exquisite
My heartbroken tears
Were inevitably yours
From the day we met
Harboring Bukowski’s bluebird in my heart
Your paper thin promises broke both our hearts
A sprinkle of hope
And a splash of good fortune
With a dash of calm
·
Standing beside you
Playing it cool
My heart murmuring
With memories of us
A little candle
Spellbinding and beautiful
Could burn your world down
Intense greediness
Can creep up on you slowly
Strive to stay humble
Only one promise
In case of emergency
You are my contact
Write not for your critics
Real or imagined
Write for the person
Who needs your words
To find inspiration
To gain relief
To feel less alone
To make it through
Take off your lenses
Look at your world
See what it looks like
Without your past pain
Blurring your vision
Take in what you see
Live in that relief
For as long as you can
Poems of Pandemic Days by Alice Curley 