My father would walk In the door Christmas Eve
Weary from a long work day
Shaking the snow off
His old coat
Taking bags of candies
In the shape of stars
Out of his pockets
For his little girl
Save one for me
He said smiling
I thanked every star For him
Hiding under a blanket
Trembling with anxiety
Fighting racing thoughts
Her meds out of reach
Her phone missing
She was terrified
While not a virus
Her medical condition
Could be deadly too
She forced herself
Back to sleep
What else could age do
Let go of the narrative
Let your days unfold
You will gradually find
Your fate will be revealed
When you least expect it
When love decides for you
Sitting on the edge of the bed
He held an apology in his throat
A near empty bottle in his hand
She sat at the kitchen table
Holding a chipped coffee cup
Tears trickling down
As she drank the last drop
She held a goodbye in her throat
Neither of them would hear
Nowadays
Your greatest secret is
What you wrote down
On a piece of paper
Never showed anyone
Tore up and threw away
Love is never clear
In its early days
What hope is there now
With nothing but screens
Words and expressions
To attempt to interpret
Barriers to feelings
Dying to evolve
Your heart breaks
Knowing you could
Express it all
In a single instant
At zero feet apart
Waiting for the call
To unlock the answer
Was your worry justified
Trying to think positive
Praying for a negative
Son beams build bridges
Between broken hearts
The answer we have needed
When confronted with darkness
Is the question
What would Bridger do
Dating was never easy
To clearly define
In its early days
What hope is there now
With nothing but screens
With words and expressions
To attempt to interpret
Barriers to feelings
Harbored for too long
Breaking your heart
Knowing just how easily
You could express it all
In a single instant
At zero feet apart
Whenever my mind strays
Into dark insomnia
An orange flamed book
Resting on my shelf
Gently reminds me
Of tiny beautiful things
Eternally existing
Waiting patiently
To be rediscovered
Flowers in the wild
Extra spoons full of sugar
Glittering golden hair
Little miracles
Everywhere
Dear authentic Adrianne
You taught me trauma
Need not define us
But can propel us forward
To prove ourselves wrong
Surpass newly defined goals
Celebrate the victories
We made possible for others
Even with all our triumphs
Life can be cruel and unfair
In astronomical ways
You taught me our only option
Is to feel our way through it
Take it one step at a time
Honoring our pain
Finding our way back
As your unmatched radiance
Reminds us all
We are the creators of change
We are the miracle makers
In making the daily choice
To stay brave and strong
Before you dismiss him
For his mixed signals
Ask yourself gently
Have you whispered
A single word to him
About how you feel
She quit drinking
When she was 27
The understated
Rumblings of concern
From friends and family
Hurt her pride enough
For her to decide to stop
A decade later
She is sometimes asked
Why she does not drink
I prefer not to
Is her unbottled
Bartleby response
My knees weakening
My fears rattling
My anger brewing
My soul aching
My heart spoke
My truth heard
My world shifted
Forever dear friends
Who never fell in love
With each other
Simultaneously
They took turns
Being gracious
Not admitting
What they knew
Both got married
To their soulmates
Who they only found
Due to all the ways
They taught each other
About kind and selfless love
You can only protect your heart so much
If you hold on to it too tightly
So no one can break it
You will
For the loss of love
You might have felt
Take a leap into authenticity
Critics be dammed
Friends who flee
Shoo them away
All that you think
Is wrong with you
Would be so right
If you said it out loud
For your fellow misfits
To hear you
Who you will learn
Are everyone who
Is honest with themselves
I wish I marked down the date
You last held me in your arms
I would turn back the pages of my calendar
Find the month and circle the date
Before our evolving love faded
By what could not survive distance
We would have broken our hearts
If we had become an us
Your bruised aching heart
Will try to make you harsher
Your bruised ego will try
To fill you with anger and hate
Your broken pride will try
To make you stop feeling
Opt instead for healing
Embrace kindness offered
When your hurt heart is open
You will find its broken pieces
Make their way back together
Evolving into a stronger heart
With no armor or anger
Your brave heart will try again
All you need is love
Always seemed to me
A painful cliche
Until a little touch of it
Gave me energy
Woke me up early
Gave me a story to tell
Made difficult times
Not so heavy to carry
Maybe is all you need
To breathe easier
Because your worries
Matter to someone else too
Live your life by intuition and inspiration. Let your whole life be a revelation.
I loved him in retrospect
In the soft morning light
Of a misty autumn day
A subtle sudden memory
Granted restless clarity
I wonder if he knew
Poems of Pandemic Days by Alice Curley 