Poems of Pandemic Days by Alice Curley

What I would give

For a single hug

Is immeasurable

Aimlessly awake

Anxiety beckons me

To answer questions

I never asked

Energy.

Everyone’s energy is off.

Too much.

With nowhere to direct it.

Too little.

With no way to generate it.

Exploding.

In anxiety or anger.

Imploding.

In depression or paralysis.

Depleting.

In loneliness or listlessness.

All of us.

The question…

Is how do we get our energy

Back to a good place?

Once again

No roadmap unavailable

But we must.

We just do.

You have permission

To feel your pain

In its entirety

Without apology

It does not make you

An ungrateful person

To be heartbroken

To be devastated

To be debilitated

To be enraged

To be shattered

To be in agony

To be hurt

You are allowed

You are human

Our future has always been

Unpredictable

Uncontrollable

Entirely out of our hands

Only nowadays

We are universally

Confronted by this

Unsettling reality

Every moment of every day

As we collectively

Wait to exhale

We are better served

To use our energy

To live in the now

For it is only

In this singular moment

We know what’s happening

Sometimes

No matter how much love

You are surrounded by

At 3AM

It’s just you and the ceiling

Battling your sad heart

Trying to unswirl your thoughts

There is an inescapable

Version of alone

We all have to face at times

Then is how and when

You learn who you aren’t

I wish I had an eraser

For today

For all that went wrong

But life does not work

That way I know

If only a sharp number two

And a little pink eraser dust

Could change the answers

All at once

But no such luck

When your heart and mind

Rest in united silence

Your answers find you

My love affair with sleep

Remains constantly consistent

Too many netherworld hours

I am entranced by nightly

As the day escapes me

Kindness makes me cry

With unexpected relief

I am not alone

Faded memories

Drifting alive gradually

My frightened soul

Fighting to remember

How to forget

Nothing is the same

If you have even a tiny

Sliver of a way

To do something

To help someone

In some small way

Every day

Now is the time

Now is your time

To change our days

Yes, we must follow all safety and health guidelines.

Yes, we must practice self-care to help manage this new normal.

Yes, we must stay connected with love online and remain fiercely informed.

Still with all of these measures we are missing something vital.

Hope.

Hope for good breaking news. Hope for the kind of miracle that leaves medicine and science with no explanation as to how it is possible.

Hope is a powerful life force.

We must have hope.

There is a hurt inside us all

Every person who you see

Is somewhere on the path

Of dealing with their pain

A wound finally healed

A heart recently broken

A trauma triggered

An illness resurfaced

A letting go of grief

An acceptance of a loss

A relatively okay day

A tentative sigh of relief

A return to nearly normal days

Whoever’s eyes you meet

Stranger, friend, or foe

You have the shared experience

Of surviving pain alone

On difficult days

Gratitude

Is not mandatory

Let’s hear it for the boys

Reassessing their dreams

Confessing their fears

Learning how to pronounce

Vulnerability

All their days not at the bar

Taught them who they are

Close your eyes for a moment

Remember what life felt like

Before all of this

How your heart could fill

With lightness and warmth

Without the strain of darkness

Fighting against it

Just flowing simple

Easy to feel love

As far away as it seems

From where we are today

Dare to run toward it

Writers grab your pens

Painters clean your brushes

Performers warm up your voices

What there is to say

About all this

Does not exist yet

We need you to create it

On harsh winter days
Summer is a distant dream
But it is guaranteed

With a collective sigh of relief
We stroll in the sunshine
Embrace starlit breezy nights
Voice our gratitude daily
Without reminder or reason
We effortlessly thrive
In our vibrant togetherness

Accept how things are

If you want to find freedom

Wherever you are

Sit with a springtime memory

Until it feels real

Embrace your sanctuary

However fleeting

We are all sleeping weirdly

Every time of day

Not even to rest

Just to get away

When exhaustion permits it

My pre-pandemic problems

I know I had them

But I forget what they were

Scrap your best laid plans

Until you can take my hand

Whenever we wish

With no way to go astray

Submitting a prayer

For all the healthcare workers

Who have redefined

What it means to be courageous

In this emotionally overwhelming time, our hearts have never been stronger

Feeling every high and low in an unpredictable constant stream has made our hearts brave soldiers

Put to words the feelings you would otherwise mask out of fear

Our vulnerable souls need all the love we have to give and receive

I climbed to the mountain top
With a mask in my pocket
There was no one there
No one even near
Just my deepest breaths
My acquaintances
I took for granted
Back when we were free

I spot a distant hiker
Find my mask and tie it on
As I make the view
A silent promise
On some far away spring day
When this is all forgotten
I will be grateful
When it takes my breath away

Weeks feel like decades
Endings and beginnings
Us just waiting in between
For our next tomorrow