Poems of Pandemic Days by Alice Curley

How to live a life inside
And not lose your mind
There is an answer
Just pretend you have a choice

Because
Even a moment’s
Thought
Of a summer
Lived indoors
Is so unbearable
I have become
Well versed
In the art
Of not thinking
About it

Hope to see you soon
With a deep sigh of relief
On a summer day
I look forward
To our smile of a lifetime

My dear extraverts
Miss your lively energy
I’m not the same without you

Our future pendulum
Will surely swing
In both directions
I will want to hug
And hold hands tighter
Longer than normal
The normal before this hit

You will want to stand apart
Maybe not six feet
Two or three at least
So we cannot touch
Even if we reach

Until on some quiet night
We start to forget
Gradually resetting
To a distance that feels safe
Not dictated by past
External guidelines
Or internal fears
But by a future
Present moment
Of just yours and mine
When we are safe

Heads on our pillows
A sea of uncertain thoughts
Fading into sleep

I hear birds chirping
As if it’s morning all day
Wishing we would come outside
To grant them a reason to fly

Time for a role call
Worriers raise your hands up
Thank you for your careful plans
That rarely go astray
A sculptor of solutions
Your insomnia dreams up
In your unique thoughtfulness
Your stress betrays you
Always apologizing
For all your fretting
Dear warrior worriers
Here is what you may not know
Worry is not bad
It is only a symptom
Of the power of your heart

A quick double check
Are we all entirely sure
This is not a dream
What if we decide
Each and every one of us
To just close our eyes
For 11 peaceful seconds
Then open them together
To see the 2020
We believed was possible
In 2019

Dear Mister Squirrel
Boldly sitting on my porch
May I ask you a question
The world has changed around you
Yet you are not scared
How can that be so
When did you lose all your fear
Was it gradual
Did it happen all at once
Was it just today
That you got so brave
Tell me your secret
Of how you found your courage
Mine has gone missing
Is it there outside with you

Dancing the fine line
Between I do not
Want to bother you
And are you okay
Why does the universal
Surreal shaky sadness
Feel impolite to address
There are no straps on these boots
We should kick them off
In our authentic
United uncertainty
We have no reason
Not to wear our weariness
Like a bronze medal
We deserve to be proud of

I would never dare
No matter what the reason
Try to cut my hair
Was once my motto
But now my scissors sparkle
Calling out my name
Unlike all these days
With a simple snip or two
I don’t have to look the same

Pounding keys on my laptop
Like the speed of my typing
Makes history move faster

In a modest twist
House cleaning is my love
Anything I can remove
Can carry me a little
Through the tiring days
All those piles of clothes
Do not stand a chance
No clutter in my kingdom
Farewell to piles of paper
Dishes readied for a cleanse
My least favorite furniture
Elegantly rearranged
Books shelved and alphabetized
All my dresses neatly pressed
Gazing at my favorite one
Deciding I will wear it
Before taking my vacuum
With me to the dance

Emptying my purse
Sighing as I check pockets
Finding my chapstick
A peppermint and bus pass
Faded movie ticket stub
Three crumpled dollars
My prettiest pen
But alas what I’m seeking
Simply is not there
Here we go again
I cannot find my mask

Feeling the fatigue
That comes with days lived inside
Wrestling frustration
Because of a tiny thing
Barely there issues
Spark hard to handle anger
Unspoken apologies
Mingling in voices
Because we all feel
The ever present weight
Of not knowing what to do

I hear freedom ring
As my night fades into sleep
I wake to four walls
Returning to the day’s work
In pajama pants
To soften my discomfort
I cling to my gratitude
Striving to march on
Among little ones
Shrugging off my skipped heartbeats
Whenever I hear a ding
An ever present lifeline
I have come to dread
My addiction has been cured
My relief arrives
When I cannot find my phone
It will find me soon enough
In stillness I pray
To reclaim my own freedom
While it cannot ring

In ten years from now
Come meet me at the movies
Searching for our seats
We will voice our certain doubts
That the film will skew the facts
Favoring romance
Sweeping music will distract
From real history
With our popcorn and soda
We will finally sit down
Ready for disappointment
No way will they get this right
Not how we lived it
The theater gets dark
2020 reads the screen
As we nearly roll our eyes
But as the big numbers fade
Together we are startled
By our brimming tears
Because we are holding hands

I hated parties
Sighing at invitations
Too crowded too loud
Yelling not talking
Was exhausting and boring
I would start planning
When to leave when I arrived
Two hours should do
Here in solitude
I imagine with great love
A loud long crowded party
I will one day throw

She and he were on the cusp
Of turning into an us
But not close enough
To manage six feet apart
Technology betrayed them
Love had not yet crystallized
There was not enough
To maintain or replicate
In solitary limbo
She was uncertain
Of how to miss him
In his silence he agreed
Possibility faded
As they disintegrated
Without an ending
Of what had not begun

From horribly wrong
To just a little bit off
Days are long and strange
But in our hiding
We are free of perfection
As our long required goal
Putting on our masks
We gently removed
The ones we never needed
Why not tell the truth
When all of us are losing
Someone we loved
Something we needed
Some semblance of us
At least we can raise
Our united hands
Sanitized and gloved
From the closest we have been
At six feet apart

On harsh winter days
Summer is a distant dream
But it is guaranteed

With a collective sigh of relief
We stroll in the sunshine
Embrace starlit breezy nights
Voice our gratitude daily
Without reminder or reason
We effortlessly thrive
In our vibrant togetherness

I have wondered why
My most level headed friends
Are acting so strange
Scattered and confused
Relentless in their projects
Exhausted but wired
Smiling through sad tired eyes
Refusing defeat
Against internal battles
Such a mystery
But then one day it hit me
My cool and collected friends
Are unfamiliar
With intense anxiety
With no sign of letting up
It does not make sense
There is nothing they can do
They are always shook
I wish I could help
If only I knew how to
Suddenly old roles reversed

On some autumn evening
Years away from all of this
When I am lucky enough
To stand next to someone|
Who i think I could love
I will replace playing it cool
With a warm embrace

On some summer night
Years away from all of this
Let’s sit on a bench
In the loveliest of parks
Zero feet apart

What will we have learned
Who will we turn out to be
When this crisis ends
Kinder and wiser
Full of humble gratitude
For every handshake